Last Night’s Long and Weird Dream

Last night’s dream was long and weird and fragmented and I only remember bits and pieces.  I’ll do my best to recount it.

I was driving in a torrential downpour.  As I approached my house, I saw that the street had been roped off.  Apparently, someone had been doing roadwork before the storm started but now the bulldozers had been abandoned and the street was all torn up and flooded.  So, I had to park on a side street and then walk to my house.  It was raining, I didn’t have an umbrella, and I was wearing high heels.  I was soaked and not in a good mood by the time I reached my house.

I went in the house, wet and shivering.  As soon as I stepped into my living room, I stripped down to my underwear so that I could dry my clothes.  Of course, as soon as I did that, I heard people walking around in the house and I realized that I was not alone.  So, I decided to duck into the backyard — and yes, it was still raining — and wait for them to leave.

(Dream logic, I can’t explain it.)

So, I’m in the backyard, in my underwear, getting even more soaked.  I remembered that I had my kimono in the little building that I use as my home office so I ran over to the building.  Unfortunately, it was locked and I realized that the keys were back in my car.  So, I walked back around to the front yard and, carrying my clothes with me, I walked through the rain to my car.  And, fortunately, the keys to the little building were sitting in the glove compartment.  I then ran back to my house, ducked into the back yard, unlocked my little building, and grabbed my dragon kimono.

Putting on the kimono, I ducked into the garage and I put my soaked clothes into a dryer.  Then, I reentered the house and I saw that my father’s new wife (who I guess is technically my stepmother, though I don’t think of her like that) was in the den and she was rearranging all of my movies.  I ran into the den and I yelled at her to stop.

“I don’t like these,” she said, motioning at a shelf of horror movies.

“They’re mine!” I said, “I paid money for these!”

My Dad came into the den to see what all the yelling was about.  I got upset because he wouldn’t tell his wife to stop moving around my stuff.  Finally I said, “Fine, but you’ll never see me again!”  And then I went back outside, in the rain.

My Dad and his wife came outside and said that they couldn’t believe I was getting so upset.  “Why was she moving my stuff!?” I demanded.

“I didn’t,” she said, “Other people must have done that.”

Annoyed, I turned back to the house and stepped through the front door.

Suddenly, I was in a convention hall.  It was very crowded.  I was still wearing my kimono but my hair was now dry.  I saw my former Congressman giving a speech at the front of the hall and I realized that I was at a Republican Convention.  I was excited to see all of the politicians and minor celebrities but it wasn’t easy because the place was so crowded and my asthma was acting up.

Finally, I decided to head to the back of the convention hall, which was a bit less crowded.  While I could breathe easier in the back of the hall, I also couldn’t hear any of the speakers, though I could still see them.  An old woman in a wheelchair thanked me for coming to the back of the hall and supporting the older delegates.  I realized that everyone around me was elderly and using either a wheel chair or a cane.  I told them that I was happy to support them because I had injured my ankle so many times that I was probably just a few years away from being crippled by arthritis.  An old man asked me if I was a dancer and said, “Look at those fantastic gams!” while staring at my legs.

Stepping out of the convention hall, I discovered that it was night and I was in a European city that had a canal.  I walked around a bit.  It was cold and, as pretty as the city was, I started to worry because I really wasn’t sure where I was.  Suddenly, my sister Megan and her husband walked up to me and said, “Where have you been!?  We’ve been looking everywhere!”  I started to argue with Megan and my brother-in-law tried to ease the tension by talking about playing college football.

I went with my sister and her husband to a hotel.  There was a film festival in town and I suddenly understood that was why I was in the city.  As I stepped into the hotel, I saw a woman sitting in the lobby.  I immediately recognized her as someone who had starred in several Italian horror films.  I told her that I was a huge fan.  She suddenly started talking about how she had been born to gypsies in Romania and that, while growing up, her closest friend had been a fortune teller who become the lover of the crown prince of Luxembourg.  I told her that she should turn the story into a movie and that I would write the script and serve as her agent.  I also said that the story should be set during the French Revolution and I realized that there was a television in the lobby that was already showing scenes of the actress in a film about the French Revolution that I had previously written.

“My friend could read the cards….” the actress started.

Suddenly, a thin blonde woman wearing a black dress ran up and yelled, “That’s a lie!  My mother told the future with the weather!”

And then I woke up.

Last Night’s Hourglass Dream

Last night, I dreamt that I was working at some sort of trade show.  At my booth, I was selling hourglasses with a group of guys who kept telling me, “You have an hourglass figure so you should be good at this.”

Last Night’s Speech Tournament Dream

Last night, I dreamt that I had been invited to judge at a Speech and Debate tournament in Arkansas.  I drove up to Arkansas and I remember, in the dream, I didn’t bother to tell anyone that I was leaving or when I would be coming back.  In my dream, I figured that I would only be gone for a day so no one notice that I was missing.

During the tournament, I got annoyed because there was this tall blonde who looked like Taylor Swift and she was entered into every event that I judged.  I thought she was mediocre but my fellow judges kept giving her high scores.  When I finally demanded to know why, they said that her family was rich and everyone knew she was the best.

At the awards ceremony, she won every trophy.  Later, I saw her talking to her coach so I approached them and told them that they didn’t actually earn any of the trophies that they won.  They were both really offended but I felt proud of myself for having called them out.

I was ready to go back home but, when I walked out to my car, I discovered that I had a flat tire and I didn’t have a spare.  I would have to buy a new tire but, for some reason, I didn’t have my purse or my phone with me and I didn’t know how I would be able to pay for a new one.

I walked down to a tire shop, where they sold not only tires but also TV sets.  I explained my situation to the store’s manager.  I said that I’d be willing to send them the money when I got back home.  The manager said that if I could find someone to pay half of the bill, he would give me a tire and a new TV.

As I wondered who I could convince to pay for me, the rich girl who I had just finished denouncing stepped into the store.  I told her about my situation and I apologized if I went too far.  She said she would never help me and then left the store.

Realizing that I was stuck in Arkansas, I decided to find a motel so I could call my sister and have her come get me.

That’s when I woke up.

Last Night’s Weird Fragment Of A Dream

I was riding a train, heading back home.

When I got home, I stepped into my house and immediately heard a lot of buzzing.  There were swarms of bees flying around.  Fortunately, there was also an army of stray cats that were stalking and killing them.

Later, I was walking around the local community college.  I saw a friend of mine from high school sitting in an office so I waved to her.  She looked surprised to see me but I kept walking because I didn’t want to have a conversation with anyone.

Last Night’s Interview With A Star Dream

Last night, I dream that I was interviewing a popular actress who appeared to be in her early 20s.  (The star was named Sophie but she was not a real person.)  We talked about her latest movie and a Netflix TV show in which she was appearing.  The show was just about to start its final season and Sophie said she was happy for all the opportunities it had given her.  I admitted that I had never actually watched the show, which led to a few moments of awkward silence.  Halfway through the interview, she mentioned that she was addicted to heroin and I just kind of nodded.

Last Night’s Godfather Dream

I don’t remember much about last night’s dream but I do remember that, at one point, I wrote a book that retold The Godfather from the point of view of Kay Adams and everyone criticized it because I had her having an affair with both Tom Hagen and Fredo Corleone.

Last Night’s Let’s Go To The Mall Dream

Last night, I dreamt that I was going for my morning run when I heard what sounded like a choir singing, “Let’s Go The Mall, Let’s Go To The Mall.”  I realized that the singing was coming from inside of a two-story house that I have never noticed before.

Last Night’s Homeless Shelter Dream

Last night, I dreamt that my sisters and my boyfriend were all volunteering at a Dallas homeless shelter.  I was waiting outside the shelter for them to finish up their shifts.  It was dark and it was rainy and I felt uncomfortable as I watched person after person walk into the shelter.  It was cold and I could see everyone’s frozen breath in the night air.  Someone offered me a cigarette and I said that I didn’t smoke.  “Aren’t you special!?” another person snapped at me.

Last Night’s Fender Bender Dream

Last night, I dreamt that I was pulling out of my driveway and I accidentally bumped into the car that was parked on the other side of the street.  The car was owned by an old couple who just happened to be standing outside when I hit their car.  I was very apologetic and they assured me that I had barely tapped their car.  We stepped into my garage so that we could exchange insurance information but, as soon as they stepped into the garage, the old couple’s demeanor changed and they started to get more and more critical of my driving.  Finally, I got sick of them criticizing me and I demanded to know why they had parked their car directly behind my driveway.  That made them even angrier and suddenly, the old woman held up a gun and started to laugh like a maniac.  She aimed the gun at me but I ducked right when she fired and the bullets ricocheted off the garage door and took out both of them.

Last Night’s College Dream

Last night, I dreamt that I was once again in college and living in the dorms.  My roommate was a blonde girl named Darcy who, like me, loved movies and had a sarcastic sense of humor.  She was from up north so I promised that I would show her around North Texas.

Also, I was enrolled in several English classes, all of which were taught by Sandra Bullock.  Unfortunately, I spent so much time watching movies and showing Darcy around Denton and Dallas that I kept oversleeping and missing my classes.  One night, I woke up and realized that I hadn’t been to my Creative Writing Class in over a month and I couldn’t even remember if it was a classic that met daily or just once a week.  I told Darcy that I was really worried that I was going to flunk out of school and I was upset that Darcy didn’t have any good advice for me.

Finally, I decided I wanted to go to Recycled Books (a used bookstore in Denton), even though Darcy said that it was too late and the store was probably closed.  I stepped out of the dorm room and suddenly, I was in my own house.  I saw an unfamiliar man sitting at my desk in my upstairs office, looking at a laptop.  I went downstairs and found my sister and my boyfriend cooking dinner.  They asked me how college was going.  I told them that I didn’t like living in the dorms and then I asked, “Where did I live the last time I went back?”

And then I woke up.