Last night, I dreamed that I was at Target, walking through the makeup department. Every few seconds, I would stop and check to make sure that no one was watching me. Then, I would quickly grab something and drop it in my purse. I stole some eyeliner. I stole some eyeshadow. I grabbed some purple lipstick and thought about stealing it as well but then I changed my mind. I put the lipstick back, turned around and…
….THERE WAS A GIGANTIC SECURITY GUARD!
“Uhm, hi,” I said as I looked up at the towering, unhappy-looking rent-a-cop. I could see my reflection in his mirrored sunglasses.
“Come with me,” he said.
He dragged me to the manager’s office. The manager was a short, harried looking woman. She took one look at me and said, “Empty your purse.”
“I want my lawyer!” I replied.
(I know, I know. The dialogue could use some work but it was a dream.)
The security guard suddenly grabbed my purse and, before I could protest, he turned it upside down.
To my relief, it turned out that I had about a thousand things in my purse. As I watched them all pile up on the manager’s desk, I confidently thought to myself that there was no way the manager would be able to find any of the makeup that I had stolen.
The manager looked at everything that had fallen out of my purse. Suddenly, she held up a lipstick tube.
“Here it is!” she announced.
“No, I didn’t steal any lipstick!” I protested. “I only stole eyeliner!”
Suddenly, I was standing in an absolutely filthy apartment. The manager and the security guard were standing beside me.
“I want this place cleaned before you leave,” the manager said.
I sighed and rolled my eyes.
And then I woke up.